Hello Goode People,
Be sure to follow me @ GoodeDude.blogspot.com....it's all about synergy people, synergy!!!
Friday, January 8, 2010
1/8/10
Well it's time for another episode of " The Daily Observations of a Paranoid Negro", Hopefully I can keep this going long enough to see someone steal my jokes on national Television. Wish me luck!
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Vitamin Waters run deep:
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Vitamin Waters run deep:
Today, Vitamin Water announced the results of an online poll to decide their next flavor. So the new flavor of VitaminWater will be........"facebook". That's right a drink that tastes exactly like facebook. When asked what exactly wil the facebook flavor taste like, representatives from Coco Cola said. "unemployed college graduates.....a splash of "it's complicated" relationship statuses, with a hint of big girls that only take pictures from the neck up"
Breast Awareness Month:
Many of you might have noticed on facebook this week, many women have been typing the color of their underwear in their statuses in celebration of Breast Cancer awareness month.
Man. Times are changing so fast, getting that type of information from women 10 years ago cost $2.99 the first minute and $.99 each additional minute.
Sources tell us the prices computer cleaning wipes went up by 30 percent in just two days.
KFC: Negro licking good!
In a weird new Australian KFC Commercial, it appears that a white Cricket fan is trying to watch a cricket game, but can't watch the game peacefully because surrounding black people are too loud and noisy. So the white Cricket fan gets them to be quiet by offering the black people KFC!
http://www.youtube.com/wat
Is this really news? Of course you can appease us by offering us fried Chicken. It's our thing!! It's simple, Indians had peace pipes, White people have historically been fascinated with Tea (Europeans with theirTea and crumpets, Boston tea party, Republican tea party express etc) and we love our chicken, especially from the place where we feel most at home....KFC - where everybody knows every negro's name. KFC is like cheers for black people.
Seriously though, you know white people always imitate what they see on TV. I predict a race riot in 2010. I can see it now, a white man at the DMV trying to rush Shawanda off the phone with a bucket of extra crispy......Shawanda is on Break billy.....she can't help you right now!!!!
Rudy Giuliani is a hater:
In attempt to prove that President Obama is weak on National Security, Today on Good Morning America, Republican and former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani , said that " there was no domestic attacks in America during the Bush Administration"
Many people are upset. They are saying Rudy Giuliani has forgotten about the 9/11 attack, the shoe bomber attack and also he's forgetting about being attacked by his ex wife before she filed for divorce.
When asked how can he forget such an attack, Giuliani says, "because I'm still paying for it. It's seems like it happened only yesterday"
Party like a dead Rockstar:
Today marks what would have been the 75th birthday of the King of Rock and Roll Elvis Presley. To which Little Richard Responded, "Child I was 75 first. I'm the King. Nobody was better at 75 years old than me. Elvis is dead and he still stole a whole birth year from me hunny. I'm 77, I showed Elvis how to be 75 two years ago hunny, stick that tutti in your frutti......woooooo!!!!!
I wonder if people are still Having Elvis Presley sightings? I wonder if people would care anymore. If I saw a bloated, gray-haired, balding Elvis Presley slowly buying Denture Cream in CVS today, I probably would be more concerned with how he felt about his daughter marrying Micheal Jackson than where he's been at for the last 35 years.
Conan Gets an Ultimatum:
Today, speculation is rising about the tonight show with Conan O'Brien being canceled, unfortunately, Jay Leno's 10 o'clock ratings isn't doing too well, so NBC might push him back to 11:00 and only give Conan O'Brien a half hour show or he could be fired.
This could be the worst thing to happen to Irish Americans since "Boondock Saints 2"
(Joke Refence Assistance: Conan O'brien is Irish. The Boondock saints were Irish. Still not funny? act like you never read this and reread joke number 3)
Thursday, January 7, 2010
"The Observations of a Silly Negro" By Lawrence Jarrett
There's just too much funny floating around in my head. That might be the reason why I have an odd shaped head. Since Sharing is caring, let's see how long I can keep this stuff up.
Comment an encourage me.
___________________________________________________________-
Lil Wayne:
Recently Lil wayne held a concert in his hometown of NO, LA, which unfortunately may be his last concert before his sentencing in early February for possession of an illegal firearm.
When asked what did he regret most about this whole prison situation, he said, the only regret he has is the decision to tattoo the titles of his hit songs on his body. When asked which song titles. He said "Hot boyz", "Prom Queen" "but I especially regret tattooing "Lollipop" on my lower back. That I see now was a mistake"
Tiger woods:
So Tiger Woods is butt naked on the new cover of Vanity fair lifting dumbbells. It's an old picture... I would say this was a self fulfilling prophecy, only in real life after his wife divorces him and gets the shirt off his back, she's taking the dumbbells too, as well as that cute little skull cap. Roar.
Microsoft Slate PC:
After much talk about Apple coming out with the "ISlate" later this month, a computerized-tablet-like portable computer, Microsoft's CEO Steve Ballmer unveiled their new slate PC. Which Many people are saying is a cheap knock off of the real thing.
This means the once Mighty, Mighty Microsoft has finally solidified itself as the Autotune of the Computer industry.
Obama: "The Buck stops with me"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/07/obama-christmas-bomber-report_n_414309.html
New Information surfaced today. It seems that the White House had even more intelligence about a Possible Terrorist attack during the holiday season. In a press conference today, Barack Obama took the blame.
I personally feel sorry for the President, not only did he inherit 2 wars, but now he has to declare another war. A war on enemy testicles.....
but who could see this one coming?
And you know who's the most upset about this failure of intelligence...women. But women can't grasp how off limits Balls are. This actually shows how insane al qaeda is. You see, men don't typically play around with their testicles (in theory). Any man ever kicked in the Scrotum can attest to that. I will never ever commit a suicide bombing, but if I did I would rather put a bomb on my head then wear it in my underwear.
Because if I had the bomb in my underwear, there is still like .011 milliseconds of excruciating pain in the nuts before I die. At least if I had a bomb on my head, I would be dead way before my balls are blown all over strangers in an commercial aircraft.
I'm just sayin'
Lawrence Jarrett.
Comment an encourage me.
___________________________________________________________-
Lil Wayne:
Recently Lil wayne held a concert in his hometown of NO, LA, which unfortunately may be his last concert before his sentencing in early February for possession of an illegal firearm.When asked what did he regret most about this whole prison situation, he said, the only regret he has is the decision to tattoo the titles of his hit songs on his body. When asked which song titles. He said "Hot boyz", "Prom Queen" "but I especially regret tattooing "Lollipop" on my lower back. That I see now was a mistake"
Tiger woods:
So Tiger Woods is butt naked on the new cover of Vanity fair lifting dumbbells. It's an old picture... I would say this was a self fulfilling prophecy, only in real life after his wife divorces him and gets the shirt off his back, she's taking the dumbbells too, as well as that cute little skull cap. Roar.
Microsoft Slate PC:
This means the once Mighty, Mighty Microsoft has finally solidified itself as the Autotune of the Computer industry.
Obama: "The Buck stops with me"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/07/obama-christmas-bomber-report_n_414309.html
New Information surfaced today. It seems that the White House had even more intelligence about a Possible Terrorist attack during the holiday season. In a press conference today, Barack Obama took the blame.
I personally feel sorry for the President, not only did he inherit 2 wars, but now he has to declare another war. A war on enemy testicles.....
but who could see this one coming?
And you know who's the most upset about this failure of intelligence...women. But women can't grasp how off limits Balls are. This actually shows how insane al qaeda is. You see, men don't typically play around with their testicles (in theory). Any man ever kicked in the Scrotum can attest to that. I will never ever commit a suicide bombing, but if I did I would rather put a bomb on my head then wear it in my underwear.
Because if I had the bomb in my underwear, there is still like .011 milliseconds of excruciating pain in the nuts before I die. At least if I had a bomb on my head, I would be dead way before my balls are blown all over strangers in an commercial aircraft.
I'm just sayin'
Lawrence Jarrett.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
The passion of the Lawrence.
How about we Just totally ignore the fact that I haven't blogged for the last couple of months...preciate it."
What have I been up to?
I know what some people are thinking, and No I haven't been busy being attracted to 16 year old Australians. (Friendly reminder: 16 will get you 25...unless you're a grammy award winner)
Jessica Watson is attempting to become the youngest person to sail around the world unassisted. Do you know what that means son? That means for 8 months, she's gonna be rocking, reeling, and crapping all on this tiny sail boat.
Being 16 is quite young and part of me thinks her parents are retarded for allowing this, however, she has already logged over 10 thousands hours as a yacht master and has been sailing since a lad (don't they call kids lads in Australia). Another part of me thinks her parents are dope. They have equipped her daughter with more than enough of the necessities (tracking systems, food, satellite communications devices) - isn't that really what parents are here for?
I think the Jessica Watson story is one of Faith and fearlessness. She not only believes in herself, but she loves sailing so much, she's willing to risk her life and her comfort for eight continuous months. That's remarkable, I guarantee you, this will be the hardest thing she'll ever have to do in her life...but after this period of storms, loneliness, restlessness , she'll be set for life!
We can learn a lot from wee ones. Young people are relentless and fearless.
So I'm taking a page out of the old Jessica Watson handbook, I'm relocating to DC and devoting myself to comedy...hitin' open mic's, barbecues, bar mitzvah's and all. Hopefully this will give me some great experience...and in 10 years maybe I can be somebody!
What have I been up to?
I know what some people are thinking, and No I haven't been busy being attracted to 16 year old Australians. (Friendly reminder: 16 will get you 25...unless you're a grammy award winner)
Jessica Watson is attempting to become the youngest person to sail around the world unassisted. Do you know what that means son? That means for 8 months, she's gonna be rocking, reeling, and crapping all on this tiny sail boat.
Being 16 is quite young and part of me thinks her parents are retarded for allowing this, however, she has already logged over 10 thousands hours as a yacht master and has been sailing since a lad (don't they call kids lads in Australia). Another part of me thinks her parents are dope. They have equipped her daughter with more than enough of the necessities (tracking systems, food, satellite communications devices) - isn't that really what parents are here for?
I think the Jessica Watson story is one of Faith and fearlessness. She not only believes in herself, but she loves sailing so much, she's willing to risk her life and her comfort for eight continuous months. That's remarkable, I guarantee you, this will be the hardest thing she'll ever have to do in her life...but after this period of storms, loneliness, restlessness , she'll be set for life!
We can learn a lot from wee ones. Young people are relentless and fearless.
So I'm taking a page out of the old Jessica Watson handbook, I'm relocating to DC and devoting myself to comedy...hitin' open mic's, barbecues, bar mitzvah's and all. Hopefully this will give me some great experience...and in 10 years maybe I can be somebody!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
My First Set.
Okay so people have been asking me about how was my first time......
I gotta tell ya' it feels good to have actually accomplihed something.
My first set was cool, I was nervous as all out doors though. I can't explain how good it felt. When I was begining to tell a joke I noticed people really feeling where I was coming from.
I want to deal with alot of logic with my comedy....so my desire is to see peoples faces go....ahh! I hate bafoonery. I will not do just anything to get a laugh....not hating on anybody that does though.
I just refuse to get onstage run around being goofy, excessively curse, and tell sex jokes all night.
Neither am I gonna talk about in laws (I don't have a wife anyway so that should be easy....) yogurt (unless it has something to do with throwing it on people), so forth and so on.
Well people, this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship....jus't don't date my ex girlfriend and everythings smooth.
I gotta tell ya' it feels good to have actually accomplihed something.
My first set was cool, I was nervous as all out doors though. I can't explain how good it felt. When I was begining to tell a joke I noticed people really feeling where I was coming from.
I want to deal with alot of logic with my comedy....so my desire is to see peoples faces go....ahh! I hate bafoonery. I will not do just anything to get a laugh....not hating on anybody that does though.
I just refuse to get onstage run around being goofy, excessively curse, and tell sex jokes all night.
Neither am I gonna talk about in laws (I don't have a wife anyway so that should be easy....) yogurt (unless it has something to do with throwing it on people), so forth and so on.
Well people, this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship....jus't don't date my ex girlfriend and everythings smooth.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
"Skinny Jeans"
"Skinny Jeans"
This is my first blog...I’m sure ya'll don't mind if I do a little complaining right? Nahhh, ya'll don't mind.
I love fashion. I try to have a healthy contemporary fashion sense while attempting to perceive whether or not something will in the future fade into utter embarrassment when one looks back at an old photo (I know you hate that you wore cross colors right? I mean we weren’t the least bit concerned about color coordinating in the early nineties!) I think I’ve mastered that technique – take the good – leave the rest. But there are some trends now that I believe aren’t healthy for society by and large.
Okay. By now I'm certain that you guys have seen dudes about town wearing the testicle promenading "skinny jeans".
I'm not talking about the Billy Ray Cyrus "achy-breaky-heart" jeans (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EebObs-vC0) Oh no my brother...I'm talking about some far more testicle constricting.
I'm talking about your girlfriend Tawanda's "I-have-to-roll-on-the-floor-and-suck-in-my-gut-at-the-same-time" club jeans.
Wearing skinny Jeans - like voting - is something that cool gay guys have been doing for years but because of some bold black dude it has gotten extremely popular and has been declared cool.
When I first saw gay dudes wearing these jeans... okay, it initially caught me off guard, but then you realize this is infact gay apparel, and you move on amicably.
You see the thing is, I’m totally fine with gay dudes wearing skinny jeans. The problems is that these “Skinny Jeans” have become so popular that now heterosexual men are wearing them . Straight dudes? Can you believe it? Beer Drinking, Misogynistic, Slapping their women on the butt in public kind of straight dudes. The Gay line is blending right before our eyes ladies and gentlemen. Are we prepared for that? I think that's entirely too much change for one calendar year.
What this means is that now straight dudes are looking like gay dudes. I don’t like this because this makes it increasingly difficult to detect the "Homosexual intensive" areas in any given public area.
I'm sorry, but I like my society overly simplified. You know - Red state - Blue state. CNN – Fox News. Martin Luther King - Malcolm X.
The only thing I hate is that we (even more than we used to) have to figure out who’s really gay now. We already have the complication of Religion, Starbucks and Seth Rogen (is he funny
or isn’t he funny…no one knows. I always feel like there's a punch line coming, but it never comes.)
Maybe I'm paranoid, but I need to know where the gay dudes are at, at all times...not for discrimination purposes, I promise I'm not judgmental. I even have a gay friend (well maybe I do, maybe I don’t. No one ever fact checks the "I even have a ______ friend" Statement" anyway...So it doesn't matter, But I digress).
The only reason this is an issue for me is because I like to identify the areas in the crowd where my booty might be in jeopardy. I mean, I don’t think I’m concerned about a gay rape or anything like that. I guess I've just always been uncomfortable with people staring intently at my booty.
Straight men might not say it in public, and they might not be as elaborate as me...but I promise they all have a personal conversation with themselves about this.
This is mine:
- "Wow, this Obama Rally has like 20, 000 people! Great turnout!"
- "Oh look they’re selling Barack Obama wristbands over on the other side of the park. I have to get one. That will definitely be a collectors item (.....No it won’t.)
-"let me hurry and get one before Barack begins to speak...wait a minute, wait a minute; man I almost walked over 100 yards and didn't check my "gay radius".... you know better than that Lawrence.”
- “okay let me see....there's a gay dude over there....gay dude right there...There's Tevin Campbell over there...Jaleel White over there; So basically; I gotta watch my booty over here, over there...definitely over there."
I don't know...but maybe it's just me?
P.S.
Micheal J. Fox was the only heterosexual dude to wear skinny Jeans while simultaneously being cool. I repeat – THE ONLY heterosexual dude!
This is my first blog...I’m sure ya'll don't mind if I do a little complaining right? Nahhh, ya'll don't mind.
I love fashion. I try to have a healthy contemporary fashion sense while attempting to perceive whether or not something will in the future fade into utter embarrassment when one looks back at an old photo (I know you hate that you wore cross colors right? I mean we weren’t the least bit concerned about color coordinating in the early nineties!) I think I’ve mastered that technique – take the good – leave the rest. But there are some trends now that I believe aren’t healthy for society by and large.
Okay. By now I'm certain that you guys have seen dudes about town wearing the testicle promenading "skinny jeans".
I'm not talking about the Billy Ray Cyrus "achy-breaky-heart" jeans (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EebObs-vC0) Oh no my brother...I'm talking about some far more testicle constricting.
I'm talking about your girlfriend Tawanda's "I-have-to-roll-on-the-floor-and-suck-in-my-gut-at-the-same-time" club jeans.
Wearing skinny Jeans - like voting - is something that cool gay guys have been doing for years but because of some bold black dude it has gotten extremely popular and has been declared cool.
When I first saw gay dudes wearing these jeans... okay, it initially caught me off guard, but then you realize this is infact gay apparel, and you move on amicably.
You see the thing is, I’m totally fine with gay dudes wearing skinny jeans. The problems is that these “Skinny Jeans” have become so popular that now heterosexual men are wearing them . Straight dudes? Can you believe it? Beer Drinking, Misogynistic, Slapping their women on the butt in public kind of straight dudes. The Gay line is blending right before our eyes ladies and gentlemen. Are we prepared for that? I think that's entirely too much change for one calendar year.
What this means is that now straight dudes are looking like gay dudes. I don’t like this because this makes it increasingly difficult to detect the "Homosexual intensive" areas in any given public area.
I'm sorry, but I like my society overly simplified. You know - Red state - Blue state. CNN – Fox News. Martin Luther King - Malcolm X.
The only thing I hate is that we (even more than we used to) have to figure out who’s really gay now. We already have the complication of Religion, Starbucks and Seth Rogen (is he funny
or isn’t he funny…no one knows. I always feel like there's a punch line coming, but it never comes.)
Maybe I'm paranoid, but I need to know where the gay dudes are at, at all times...not for discrimination purposes, I promise I'm not judgmental. I even have a gay friend (well maybe I do, maybe I don’t. No one ever fact checks the "I even have a ______ friend" Statement" anyway...So it doesn't matter, But I digress).
The only reason this is an issue for me is because I like to identify the areas in the crowd where my booty might be in jeopardy. I mean, I don’t think I’m concerned about a gay rape or anything like that. I guess I've just always been uncomfortable with people staring intently at my booty.
Straight men might not say it in public, and they might not be as elaborate as me...but I promise they all have a personal conversation with themselves about this.
This is mine:
- "Wow, this Obama Rally has like 20, 000 people! Great turnout!"
- "Oh look they’re selling Barack Obama wristbands over on the other side of the park. I have to get one. That will definitely be a collectors item (.....No it won’t.)
-"let me hurry and get one before Barack begins to speak...wait a minute, wait a minute; man I almost walked over 100 yards and didn't check my "gay radius".... you know better than that Lawrence.”
- “okay let me see....there's a gay dude over there....gay dude right there...There's Tevin Campbell over there...Jaleel White over there; So basically; I gotta watch my booty over here, over there...definitely over there."
I don't know...but maybe it's just me?
P.S.
Micheal J. Fox was the only heterosexual dude to wear skinny Jeans while simultaneously being cool. I repeat – THE ONLY heterosexual dude!
Blogging...and crap.
What's up ev'ry ones ev'ry ones.
This is Lawrence "LJ" Jarrett AKA.....AKA (why can't AKA be my AKA?) Welcome to my weird world of Observation....and crap.
I said to myself "Self, I should start a blog. Other people will be able to relate to my so called "cynicism" and "paranoia" and "balding". Wouldn't you like to know what's going on in my head - don't answer that.
Stay tuned for some video blogs, upcoming shows, funny things I've found along the way and other well....crap.
This is interactive so you are graded for participation - feel free to leave comments or drop me a note. Let me know what you've found funny, but also on the flip side of that coin, definitely feel free to let me know what you've found that was really funny. That's right I only want to know the good and the good (.....don't make me insecure with the negative, I'm already dark skinned...I had a hard life, you need to build me up!)
Hit me up:
comedybylj@gmail.com
Enjoy...and crap.
This is Lawrence "LJ" Jarrett AKA.....AKA (why can't AKA be my AKA?) Welcome to my weird world of Observation....and crap.
I said to myself "Self, I should start a blog. Other people will be able to relate to my so called "cynicism" and "paranoia" and "balding". Wouldn't you like to know what's going on in my head - don't answer that.
Stay tuned for some video blogs, upcoming shows, funny things I've found along the way and other well....crap.
This is interactive so you are graded for participation - feel free to leave comments or drop me a note. Let me know what you've found funny, but also on the flip side of that coin, definitely feel free to let me know what you've found that was really funny. That's right I only want to know the good and the good (.....don't make me insecure with the negative, I'm already dark skinned...I had a hard life, you need to build me up!)
Hit me up:
comedybylj@gmail.com
Enjoy...and crap.
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