This is my first blog...I’m sure ya'll don't mind if I do a little complaining right? Nahhh, ya'll don't mind.
I love fashion. I try to have a healthy contemporary fashion sense while attempting to perceive whether or not something will in the future fade into utter embarrassment when one looks back at an old photo (I know you hate that you wore cross colors right? I mean we weren’t the least bit concerned about color coordinating in the early nineties!) I think I’ve mastered that technique – take the good – leave the rest. But there are some trends now that I believe aren’t healthy for society by and large.
Okay. By now I'm certain that you guys have seen dudes about town wearing the testicle promenading "skinny jeans".
I'm not talking about the Billy Ray Cyrus "achy-breaky-heart" jeans (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EebObs-vC0) Oh no my brother...I'm talking about some far more testicle constricting.
I'm talking about your girlfriend Tawanda's "I-have-to-roll-on-the-floor-and-suck-in-my-gut-at-the-same-time" club jeans.
Wearing skinny Jeans - like voting - is something that cool gay guys have been doing for years but because of some bold black dude it has gotten extremely popular and has been declared cool.
When I first saw gay dudes wearing these jeans... okay, it initially caught me off guard, but then you realize this is infact gay apparel, and you move on amicably.
You see the thing is, I’m totally fine with gay dudes wearing skinny jeans. The problems is that these “Skinny Jeans” have become so popular that now heterosexual men are wearing them . Straight dudes? Can you believe it? Beer Drinking, Misogynistic, Slapping their women on the butt in public kind of straight dudes. The Gay line is blending right before our eyes ladies and gentlemen. Are we prepared for that? I think that's entirely too much change for one calendar year.
What this means is that now straight dudes are looking like gay dudes. I don’t like this because this makes it increasingly difficult to detect the "Homosexual intensive" areas in any given public area.
I'm sorry, but I like my society overly simplified. You know - Red state - Blue state. CNN – Fox News. Martin Luther King - Malcolm X.
The only thing I hate is that we (even more than we used to) have to figure out who’s really gay now. We already have the complication of Religion, Starbucks and Seth Rogen (is he funny
or isn’t he funny…no one knows. I always feel like there's a punch line coming, but it never comes.)
Maybe I'm paranoid, but I need to know where the gay dudes are at, at all times...not for discrimination purposes, I promise I'm not judgmental. I even have a gay friend (well maybe I do, maybe I don’t. No one ever fact checks the "I even have a ______ friend" Statement" anyway...So it doesn't matter, But I digress).
The only reason this is an issue for me is because I like to identify the areas in the crowd where my booty might be in jeopardy. I mean, I don’t think I’m concerned about a gay rape or anything like that. I guess I've just always been uncomfortable with people staring intently at my booty.
Straight men might not say it in public, and they might not be as elaborate as me...but I promise they all have a personal conversation with themselves about this.
This is mine:
- "Wow, this Obama Rally has like 20, 000 people! Great turnout!"
- "Oh look they’re selling Barack Obama wristbands over on the other side of the park. I have to get one. That will definitely be a collectors item (.....No it won’t.)
-"let me hurry and get one before Barack begins to speak...wait a minute, wait a minute; man I almost walked over 100 yards and didn't check my "gay radius".... you know better than that Lawrence.”
- “okay let me see....there's a gay dude over there....gay dude right there...There's Tevin Campbell over there...Jaleel White over there; So basically; I gotta watch my booty over here, over there...definitely over there."
I don't know...but maybe it's just me?
P.S.
Micheal J. Fox was the only heterosexual dude to wear skinny Jeans while simultaneously being cool. I repeat – THE ONLY heterosexual dude!
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